Charlotte Sills - Love, Power, and Authenticity in the Therapeutic Relationship
“If I call on my best self––I'm here, I'm present and I'm meeting with my client––then there is love. I don't talk about love and I don't say love, but I can't help that being there.” - Charlotte Sills
There’s a timeless piece of wisdom that goes like this: To understand where we’re headed, it’s wise to reflect on where we’ve been. I’d like to add that it’s equally beneficial to engage in conversations with those who came before us. More often than not, they carry a wealth of wisdom and are eager to pass it on.
Charlotte Sills, MA, MSc, is one of these amazing therapy elders, brimming with knowledge and foresight. Her insights are so abundant they could fill textbooks––and indeed, they have. I know because I’ve read most of them. Charlotte is a psychotherapist in private practice in the UK and an academic whose expertise lies in transactional analysis (TA), an approach that explores how people communicate and relate to one another. She's also a mother, grandmother, and, as it turns out, quite the writer (refer back to those textbooks I mentioned). Her books fill my shelves, her teachings have filled my mind with a lot to consider as I grow further in my therapy career.
What I love about our conversation is the shared curiosity between Charlotte and I. Charlotte expertly throws a questions back to me, leading to a collaborative exploration. Equally striking is Charlotte’s enduring passion for intrapersonal work. With four decades of experience, she remains deeply committed to self-discovery. “We keep doing our work because the journey never really ends, and it doesn’t end because we don’t. Life progresses, bringing new challenges that provoke different responses,” she reflects. “I also believe that therapists have an ethical responsibility to pursue their own personal growth, especially if they aim to work relationally.” Sarah and I couldn’t agree more!
Charlotte and I may be at different stages of life and career, yet in this episode, we share a common goal of learning from one another and striving to make dreams for our profession (more inclusivity, deeper connections) and for humanity (less pain, more healing) a reality. We can achieve this through more genuine, inquisitive conversations both inside and outside the therapy room. Charlotte concurs. “There’s a wonderful quote by Martin Buber that when two people meet authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that flows between them,” she notes.
Whether it’s God, intuition, connection or love, whatever electricity was flowing between Charlotte and I in this interview, I hope you enjoy it!
Mentioned in this Episode
Transactional Analysis: A Relational Perspective (Advancing Theory in Therapy)
In Love with Supervision: Creating Transformative Conversations
GUEST CONTACT AND BIO
Charlotte Sills (she/her) is a psychotherapist, coach, supervisor, and trainer in private practice in London UK, and on the teaching faculty of Metanoia Institute and Ashridge Hult Business School, UK. She is also Professor of Coaching at Ashridge and on the Steering Committee of the International Association of Relational Transactional Analysis. She has published widely in the field of therapy and coaching.
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