Lori Beth Bisbey - A Realistic (and Encouraging!) Timeline for Anyone Healing From Sexual Trauma
“The message people get is that you can't get better, that you go from victim to survivor, but that's as far as you're going to go, and that’s bullshit.” - Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey
Content Warning: this episode contains discussions of sexual trauma and minor-attracted persons, most commonly labeled as pedophiles. Please take care of yourself, even if that means skipping this conversation.
Your body belongs to YOU. This is a message I did NOT get as a child, adolescent, or young adult. In fact, I’m still growing into this knowledge. I’m grateful to folks like Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey for repeatedly reminding us of this essential point. Lori Beth is a psychologist, accredited advanced GSRD (gender, sex, and relationship diversity) therapist, sex and intimacy coach, author, speaker, TV personality, and podcast host who helps folks create and sustain their ideal relationships. Lori Beth has been championing sex without shame for 35+ years, and her work destigmatizes fetishes, BDSM, and non-monogamy.
“My Involvement in this area came from my life experience; not unusual for psychologists or therapists,” Lori Beth says. Her professional passions grew out of sexual trauma that she details with incredible candor in her memoir. “The reason I can tell that story without floods of tears is because those memories are no longer live. I don't downplay them…but they're not live.”
Lori Beth’s own healing journey provides encouragement for survivors of sexual trauma alongside a healthy dose of reality. “The timeline for healing is heavily influenced by your ability to engage. It's also influenced by accessing the right kinds of therapy, and being willing to confront the bits that you’re ashamed of, that you feel horrible about, that you judge yourself about.” Embracing our shadowy bits is key to healing and to freedom.
Agency can feel super uncomfortable for some survivors to reclaim. “Trust yourself,” advises Lori Beth. “Trust that you can tolerate it, that you're going to make it, you're not going to die. You won't get stuck there. You’ll come out the other side.” HELL YES! That said, allowing another human to be in the healing process with your whole self (kinks included) takes time.
Time is relative; so is your healing. Comparison is the thief of joy- you work at your own pace!
Mentioned in this Episode
Dancing the Edge to Surrender: An Erotic Memoir of Trauma and Survival
LaidOPEN: The Complexity of Desire, Shame, and Trauma with Dr. Lori Beth Bisbey
RECOMMENDED EPISODES
CWH135: Nicoletta Heidegger - Sluts and Scholars, Healing Sexual Trauma
CWH117: Tristan Taormino - Creating Shame-Free Inclusive Spaces with Sex Out Loud
GUEST CONTACT AND BIO
Eugene Ellis, psychotherapist, writer, and public speaker, has dedicated 20 years as the director and founder of the Black, African, and Asian Therapy Network, specializing in therapeutic work with Black, African, Caribbean, and South Asian individuals. Author of 'The Race Conversation' (2021), he delves into the intersection of race and trauma, non-verbal communication, and navigating oppressive patterns. Co-editor of 'Therapy In Colour' (2023), Eugene contributes to articulating new theoretical perspectives for therapists, both white and of colour, supporting therapy through an intersectional lens.
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