An Intimacy Coordinator Sets the Stage for Consent and Authentic Connection on Screen and in Real Life
"The definition of intimacy is vast, and it’s only growing." – Elle McAlpine
Let’s play a quick game of fill-in-the-blank: Sex is _____ . The answers are endless! For me, the word that fits best is intimate. It’s a concise way to capture the spectrum of emotions, desires, and even traumas that shape every sexual encounter—even when that encounter is entirely fictional. As in, performed for an award-winning film where sex serves as a metaphor for the main character’s evolving sense of self.
Intimacy Coordinator Elle McAlpine has an impressive résumé, having contributed to standout projects such as the acclaimed film Poor Things, starring Emma Stone, and Netflix’s award-winning series Baby Reindeer, created by and starring Richard Gadd. Poor Things is a bold, Frankenstein-inspired narrative exploring the sexual and conscious awakening of a woman with the brain of a toddler. Meanwhile, Baby Reindeer is based on Gadd’s autobiographical one-man show, chronicling his experience with stalking and sexual violence.
In this episode, Elle dives into the nuanced interplay of power dynamics, emotional exchange, and consent frameworks behind the scenes of these productions. When Elle reflects that, "The definition of intimacy is vast, and it’s only growing," it’s clear her perspective is as applicable to everyday life as it is to the complexities of movie sets.
“Intimacy coordinators are essentially a very new department in film, TV, and now, slowly, theater,” says Elle, who co-founded the UK-based company EK Intimacy and is considered a pioneer in her field. “We advocate for actors in scenes that involve intimate content, which can include simulated sexual acts, nudity, or even familial intimacy.” Her role is to foster genuine connection between actors, ensuring their work on screen feels authentic. “But authentic connection doesn’t come naturally to everyone,” she admits. “That’s my expertise: guiding them into a space of giving and receiving energy.”
The work of intimacy coordinators isn’t limited to actors—it also extends to those behind the camera. “We’re there to make sure communication flows throughout the set,” Elle explains. She helps actors and crew alike maintain their physical and emotional boundaries, particularly when portraying non-consensual content. “Sometimes crews don’t realize the impact of watching something like that repeatedly for hours on end,” she notes. “I’m not a therapist, but I specialize in embodiment.” Thankfully, those skills are increasingly valued on modern film sets.
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
Death, Sex, & Money: Baby Reindeer’s Intimacy Coordinator on Sex and Trauma on Screen
GUEST CONTACT & BIO
Elle McAlpine is the co-founder of EK Intimacy and brings a unique perspective to intimacy coordination through her background in acting and directing. Passionate about exploring character psychology and storytelling through sexual expression, she helps create spaces where actors can approach intimate scenes with agency and creativity. Her recent work includes Poor Things, One Day, and The Winter King.
Let’s be friends! You can find me in the following places…
